It's a struggle

Physically, I have been lucky since my cancer diagnosis back on April 7. 
Mentally, well ... that's another story.
​The past couple of days have been rough. When someone is dealing with cancer, it always seems to be called a "battle." I used to think that word was a little overused, but I'm starting to see now that it fits pretty well.
So far, I've escaped most all of the physical problems, but the mental side of it has definitely been a struggle. Everyone says staying positive is one of the most important parts of all this, but I tell you what, it ain't easy. On Monday, they are going to implant a chemo port in my chest, and one week after that is the first of two chemo sessions that my MD Anderson oncologist recommended and I agreed to.
The whole idea of having a chemo port is terrifying enough in itself. It kind of feels like giving up control or something. For nearly 10 months, I mostly dodged a bullet, undergoing a couple of fairly easy surgeries and hoping that took care of everything.
Well, it didn't take care of everything.
Since I agreed to the chemo, I've basically been quietly freaking out -- sometimes not so quietly. I've pretty much been a bundle of nerves. I'm really irritable and have gone off on people or nearly gone off on someone a few times. But I think I'm gradually coming to terms with it all.
Last night as I lay in bed, all kinds of scenarios were going through my head. I was praying a little bit and then I told myself, "Well, no matter what happens, you're giving it a helluva shot." 
Then, I laughed.
It's gonna be OK.
​One  day at a time ...